Something is happening to me, something good. I have had a really hard time since my son died two years ago and my husband left this past November. I have been depressed, drinking too much, despairing, feeling often hopeless, losing myself in my work, one of the things that has kept me sane. BUT, there is something else much more important that has kept my head above water, kept me here, in the land of the living and that something is God’s love, grace and mercy.
I have done a lot of praying over these last few years, during all of these hard times. But about a month ago, one night when I was at the end of my rope, I said a prayer of supplication, begging God to take my life and do something with it, knowing that without him I was nothing, my life meaningless. And do you know what? He is answering me, changing me. I realize that this is a process, but I feel so much different with each passing day. I have made the decision to stop drinking, for one thing. No more bars for me. And I am going to join the church down the street this Sunday. God has been there for me so many times that it’s about time I went to work for him. I want to use my experiences to help others who are despairing, to make a difference in the world. I want to be my own hero.
One problem I have always had is that I have viewed Christians as goody two shoes. I thought drinking and partying people were the cool ones. I was wrong. Being a good person and doing the right thing is what is cool. Loving your fellow human being and taking care of yourself is cool.
I also thought that if I weren’t perfect I couldn’t fit in in a church. But I have come to the realization that if there were only perfect people in the churches they would be empty.
So, here I go on a brand new journey. Thank God!
Posted in Personal Post
